The Retail Wish List of a 9 Year Old

We have a little boy who has always been quite particular in his toy selection.  If he’s given the green light to select something from the shelf, he usually will take 3 or so “finalists”, line them up side by side, then weigh the pros and cons until he decides upon the perfect selection.  Mind you this may change from one day to the next or even hourly.

Since it's 2012 and he has his own Iphone, Ipod, Android Tablet, etc.  I’ve given him access to my Amazon Wish List.  In the past few days, I think he has amassed close to 200 items!  Keep in mind, Amazon has a gigantic variety of items, and he may have selected inappropriate items (like a Halloween style rubber knife that appears to go through your head), some by accident,  or even some things that are not toys.  Good thing I didn’t show him how to finalize the checkout process!  

 

Nevertheless, I thought I'd share his list.  I found it entertaining to skim through.  It's fun to observe how his mind works.  When we came out of the theater, after seeing The Avengers, he said, "Can I use your phone?".  He preceded to search for action figures for the characters in the movie.  Yesterday, I noticed him writing what appeared to be letters.  He informed me they were actually invitations to some of his friends.  Invitations to join his squadron when the Airsoft Guns he "wished" arrive...

This list is a fun insight into the mind of a youngster, as well as a dynamic gift registry containing the popular items such as Beyblades, Pokemon cards, Action Figures, Army Men, and somehow recently, Air guns.  Oh boy.  


I'll likely use it each time he gets invited to a friend's birthday party.

Billions and Taxes

This an interesting and funny, yet disheartening chain Email I received today I thought I'd share:

This is too true to be funny.

The next time you hear a politician use the
Word 'billion' in a casual manner, think about
whether you want the 'politicians' spending
YOUR tax money.

A billion is a difficult number to comprehend,
But one advertising agency did a good job of
Putting that figure into some perspective in
One of its releases.

A Day Without Cliche - Reprise

As a follow up to my A Day Without Cliche post, here is something I was sent with very interesting facts about some popular phrases origins and/or meanings.


Enjoy:

There is  an old Hotel/Pub in Marble Arch, London , which  used to have a gallows adjacent to it. Prisoners  were taken to the gallows (after a fair trial of  course) to be hanged 
  

The horse-drawn dray, carting the  prisoner, was accompanied by an armed guard, who  would stop the dray outside the pub and ask the  prisoner if he would like ''ONE LAST DRINK''.  

If he said  YES, it was referred to as ONE FOR THE ROAD.  

If he  declined, that prisoner was ON THE WAGON.  

They used  to use urine to tan animal skins, so families  used to all pee in a pot and then once a day it  was taken and sold to the tannery. If you had to  do this to survive you were "piss poor", but  worse than that were the really poor folk, who  couldn't even afford to buy a pot, they "Didn't  have a pot to piss in" and were the lowest of  the low. 

Here are  some facts about the 1500s:  

Most  people got married in June, because they took  their yearly bath in May and they still smelled  pretty good by June. However, since they were  starting to smell, brides carried a bouquet of  flowers to hide the body odour. Hence the custom  today of carrying a bouquet when getting  married.  Baths  consisted of a big tub filled with hot water.  The man of the house had the privilege of the  nice clean water, then all the other sons and  men, then the women and finally the children.  Last of all the babies. By then the water was so  dirty you could actually lose someone in it.  Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with  the bath water!"  

Houses had  thatched roofs, thick straw piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof.  When it rained it became slippery and sometimes  the animals would slip and fall off the roof.  Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."  
There was  nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom, where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence. 
  
The floor  was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt.  Hence the saying, "dirt poor."   The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in  the entrance-way. Hence: a thresh hold.


In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot.  They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner,  leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold  overnight, then start over the next day.  Sometimes stew had food in it that had been  there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme: ''Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot, nine days old''. 
 
Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over they would hang up their bacon, to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, "Bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share  with guests and would all sit around talking and ''chew the fat''.  
 
Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning and death.  This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.  

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or ''The Upper  Crust''.


Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along  the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the  family would gather around and eat and drink and  wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of ''Holding a Wake''.  

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people, so they  would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the  corpse, thread it through the coffin and up  through the ground and tie it to a bell. 
  
Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift) to listen for the bell;  thus someone could be, ''Saved by the Bell ''or  was considered a ''Dead Ringer'' 
  
      And that's  the truth. 
  
      Now,  whoever said history was boring ! ! !  

My Top 5 Video Girls

Growing up as a member of the M-TV Generation, the effect music videos had on my childhood is enormous.  In its infancy, M-TV actually aired mostly nothing but actual music videos.  I spent countless hours watching and was annoyed by any break.  As a matter of fact, the only programming break I can remember back then, was Music News which lasted only a minute or two.

Being an adolescent male, it's rather needless to say that much of my attention was focused on the girls in the videos.  I decided to list in ascending order my top 5.  Mind you this is a list of extras or little known actresses only.  The list would have been too large if I included the likes of Madonna, Janet Jackson, Beyonce, Shakira, etc.  I'll reserve that discussion for a later date.  

#5 Tesla - Love Song


I've been pondering this one for quite a while.  The top 4 was pretty easy, but I could not get a solid 5th.  A week or so ago, this song debuted on my Vlog and the wheels started turning.  The girl appears in the video twice and embodies the 80's look.  She's not my type at all, mind you, but nevertheless, there's something captivating about her.

#4 Billy Idol - Cradle of Love


To quote Kevin James character in Hitch, Albert Brenneman, "This whole thing, it just works." As above, this girl is night my type at all.  I prefer more brunette and the "younger" thing has never really appealed to me.  However, the overall product is excellent.

#3 Motley Crue - Home Sweet Home


This one is more implied than anything.  Actually, implied may be a bad choice of words.  Potential?  Better yet, unattainable.  She is only on screen for seconds and nothing but a silhouette in darkness singing with Vince Neil.  Otherwise, she may have been #1.  Hey, we'll never know...  Note: this video is mirrored and it takes away from it a bit.  Can't explain why...

#2 Winger - Miles Away


Great song, great video.  The black and white adds character.  This one IS my type.  Being shitty to the guy keeps her out of the top spot.

#1 White Lion - Wait


Put a pretty, girl next door, long haired brunette in jeans and a denim jacket and I'm done!  Put a fork in me!  Perfect, perfect, perfect.  I'll say no more. She wins.

Everyone Loves A Good Hummer

Hold on, hold on, don't get the wrong idea!  I know the title of this post sounds a little risqué...


...but I'm referring to my old car, my Hummer H3.

Out of all the other cars I've had, I have to say it was and still is my all time favorite.  It just felt right.  I liked the feeling of being inside something that felt like a tank!  The ride was extremely smooth, even for a tank.


There were some minor problems.  Gas mileage isn't the greatest but not bad as SUV's go.  A taillight bulb went out and my driver's side door release cable snapped.  GM service was poor and expensive, but these negatives barely diminish my overall love of this vehicle.


Unfortunately, for most of the lease, I let my wife use the Hummer while I drove a Saturn.  I don't regret that decision at all, only the time lost driving my favorite car.  After all, there's no better feeling of security than knowing your loved ones are in a tank!  Believe it or not, a streetlight post fell on them and they came away unscathed!  She now drives a Toyota FJ Cruiser, which is a very poor attempt to mimic the H3.


I loved it so much I wore a Hummer hat and even still wear the cologne!  I also almost bought the sneakers.


Since I have less than a year remaining on my current lease, I'm deeply saddened that Hummers are no longer produced.  So this is somewhat of a desperate plea for GM or another auto manufacturer to resume production of Hummers fast.  This is really the only public forum I have access to, and hopefully this will get noticed.  Please, please, please pass this on, share it, comment, like it (maybe I'll make yet another Facebook page), tweet it, Stumble it, talk about it, anything.  If not for yourself, in the spirit of the holiday season, for ME!!!  I rarely ask for any gifts, but I'm desperate.  I miss my Hummer!

Hardware Bugs

A few days ago I strolled into work, like any other day, but this time I bumped into the owner.  Rather than his usual, "Good morning," he said, "I need you..." Always a bad thing.


Apparently his desktop printer wasn't printing.  Getting technical feedback from someone in their mid 70's is more difficult than fixing the issue itself, so I just said, "No problem."  Unfortunately, it was followed by, "Betty (his secretary, uh, administrative assistant) and John (former IT guy) couldn't get it to work either."


Great, so now I have to fix what they made worse.


There are two things I've learned when troubleshooting issues:

1. Start basic - loose cords, on / off buttons, out of paper, caps lock, etc.
2. Don't reinvent the wheel - search the net, someone, somewhere has had the same issue

Before I entered his office, I was already jumping to step 2 on my phone.  He has an ink based photo printer.  Nothing fancy and few removable parts.  The error continually said there was a paper jam.  John, always having to provide useless advice, brought in some troubleshooting steps he had printed, which didn't apply to this particular model at all.  Perhaps they could be used in a severe toilet paper emergency...

Anyway, these phantom paper jams are caused by "something" blocking the paper path.  Through my searches, I found others had success removing the cartridges, turning it upside down, and shaking.  So I did.

So what fell out?  Not an itty-bitty piece of paper nor a staple, a fly.  Yes, a fly, a "bug".  A real bug.  The term bug came from a moth that had flown into a large IBM machine way back in the day.  Here was my first, real bug.  A few more shakes and a gnat fell out too.

When I told him what was wrong, he showed me a sticky fly trap on the window sill directly above the printer.  So not only were the bugs falling in, they were coated with some sticky substance.

Nevertheless, the printer worked fine since.

We moved it away from the window, of course.

Name That Movie

For as long as I can remember, my brothers and friends and I have loved quoting movie lines.  Caddyshack has always been one of the most frequent, but there are several.

Rodney in Back To School... 

A Few Good Men is one on the serious side.  As Good As It Gets is another of Nicholson's.