Ode to Elsie

Not so much an ode, but rather a narrative.  I recently bought a car air freshener that reminded me of her.  Elsie was my first car, named for the assigned license plate ELC-35T or "EL - C".  She was a beautiful light blue 1971 Chevy Impala, for all intents and purposes, a boat.  We were both born in 1971, so she would have been 40 this year.

She was given to me by my aunt Elizabeth.  Neil and I drive down to Cherry Hill, NJ to pick her up.  This was a few months before I received my drivers license.  There she laid waiting for the day I could finally take her out on the road.  I the meantime, I adorned her with every cheesy accessory I could find and afford.  Fuzzy dice, blue double-bladed windshield wipers, a seat cover, a fuzzy blue steering wheel cover, fancy door locks, tire caps, you name it.


Finally, the day arrived to take her out on the road.  The first thing I did, was to drive to Clifton to pick up Oaks.  We hoped on the Parkway North and I floored it.  Of course, there was a speed 

trap right behind the bushes on the left.  Bang, license for a couple hours and already a ticket.  The trooper was cool, and although her clocked me at 72 (the bushes were not very far from the on-ramp), he only wrote 68 on the ticket.  This is important because it kept me in the 0-15 over bracket and was only 2 points.  Otherwise my license would have been suspended immediately.  The 8 of the 68 also didn't look like an 8, so I told Mom it was 65 or 62 in a 55.  Hey, I was 17...

Sometime after, on that same day, I picked up Jack hoping to break Robbie George's "neutral test" record.  The neutral test starts at the top of Overlook Ave. in North Haledon, NJ.  It's a long, not necessarily steep hill but downhill all the way.  The test was how fast you could get the car, or boat going, without hitting the gas peddle.  I don't recall if I broke the record or what the record was.  Robbie's record should stand in honor of the original boat, I believe a white Chrysler Newport.  Anyway, I digress, after the test we headed down High Mountain Rd. and smelt something burning.  At the traffic light, a woman pulled alongside us and said, "You car is on fire...could be the catalytic converter."  That car didn't have a catalytic converter lady!  Regardless, the car was on fire!  When the light turned green, we pulled into the Krausers parking lot, opened the hood, and rushed inside to get some water.  The clerk wanted me to BUY water.  My friggin car is on FIRE in your parking lot you idiot!  Give me a bucket of water already.  Needless to say, we quickly dowsed what turned out to be a small electrical fire.  Not long after, I heard the fire horns.  You hear them often, but it's different when you realize they're for YOU.


Elsie never quite found her stride.  She had several alternator issues, likely a result of the fire.  Overnight, I had to connect her to a battery charger, so I could start her in the morning.  I made the mistake of driving myself, Cherie, Cap, and Jen to our Senior Valentine's Day dance.  Elsie wouldn't start afterward and we had to call for a ride.


Regardless of all the bad luck, I still miss her.  I'd love to drive an old Impala again, for nostalgic reasons.  Ah, my first car.  Happy Birthday, Elsie.